Healing does not stop with ourselves; it could also go on with our families. In this episode, Jewels Arnes sits down with Carmen – an amazing woman who has been on the spiritual path for many years – to talk about generational healing. The idea of passing down emotional trauma, old memories and patterns, from generation to generation corresponds the same when finding healing from those as a family. Carmen shares her story of discovering generational healing and tracing it back to her grandparents and identifying it back to her children. Let Carmen take you through her journey of seeing how healing ourselves could also heal the genetic imprints in all of our family.
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Generational Healing: Healing Ourselves And Our Family With Carmen
I have Carmen with me here. Carmen is an amazing woman that has been on the spiritual path for many years. She is super passionate about generational healing and how powerful it truly is to heal ourselves and heal our families through that same process. Welcome, Carmen. We’re so happy to have you.
Thank you. It’s nice to be here.
Carmen, let’s go back to the beginning of when you started your personal healing journey and triggered that for you?
I have been married for many years. My actual healing journey started when I had children. However, I always definitely had an awareness of myself in the world and having a separation since I was little. I finally decided to do something about it when I had kids. I started seeing how the fragility of their world and how fragile human beings are and started looking into more spiritual healing arts. What happened when I was little was a long story, but I’m going to try and shorten it. My mother is a Chicana, which is an American born in America, but she’s of Mexican descent. My father was of Swedish descent. When they traveled to Oklahoma with their whole family, the youngest, his father was born on an Indian reservation and so his dad was born on an Indian reservation in Oklahoma. They lived there for a while and they moved to California.
My dad has pretty diverse cultures. He has a lot of stories about diversity and culture. He embraced the Mexican culture when he married my mom and we grew up on the border. However, what was a little twisted for me was that I was the only blonde-haired blue-eyed in the family besides my dad. I look like my dad, but my dad completely immersed himself in the Mexican culture. We learned Spanish before English. I didn’t learn English until third grade. I had dyslexia because I felt like I was processing so many things all at once. The main separation was the identity crisis for me. My dad is white, I’m white, but he doesn’t talk nice about white people. It’s like, “What is going on? What’s wrong with me?”We are the creators of our life and that we have the universe within us. Click To Tweet
As I had kids and moved away, it was different cultures, different diversities. We moved all over the place. I’ve even lived in Mexico for three years. My husband is a geologist and I always think to myself, “We didn’t move because of his work.” That’s what everybody thinks. Every place we moved took me back to a certain ancestor or a certain story about what their life was in this specific place. There was a journey for me with these moves also. I was able to live in Mexico for three years. Pretty much, my journey was taking my wholeness back. It was being okay with what I looked like and who I was, part European and also taking back my Mexican culture and loving what that was and what that meant.
It’s funny. I’m into decor and designing houses since we’ve moved so much. A lot of it, I’ll always pick old and the new. My style is old and new together. I feel like that’s how my life has been where I had to go all the way back. I had to go and find new places and move all these places, all this diversity and all that stuff were new. I had to go back to the very primal Mexican culture of indigenous, all the stuff that I learned from my grandparents that also lived in El Paso. There was so much that they told us that rings true. That’s what I did. I raised my kids with unity in diversity. I wanted them to pretty much see the whole world. All of it was okay, the good, bad and the ugly.
You said there at the end something about your grandparents. I don’t remember exactly what you said, but what would you say that you took from their teachings?
I was close to my grandmother. She still visits all my kids. She passed a long time ago. All of the great-grandkids have literally seen her and can describe her. She’s still watching over all of us. The biggest impact is we were raised Catholic. I remember when we’d go visit, if someone knocked on the door about God, she’d let them in, listen and talk or say whatever or she’d watch stuff on TV that wasn’t Catholic and my dad would be like, “We’re Catholic. You can’t do that.” She was like, “God is love. It’s all okay. There’s a safe space for everybody here.” I’ve held onto that for some reason because that’s been my experience. In the end, after all of the pain, the trauma or whatever, what we’re all seeking is love. That was my grandmother and she used to read our palms. She read our husbands’ palms before we married them. It’s little things like that. She had a lot of the old ways, her herbal teas and all that stuff. I’m very much like that.
My grandfather, I didn’t know that long because he passed when I was probably five years old. He was a very quiet man. He always has phrases he said. He’d always say, “We are the creators of our life and that the universe is within us.” That was a lot of bigness for a little five-year-old to be taking in. For some reason, I remember it. I knew that there was some truth to it. My grandmother, we’d ask her, “When is war going to stop?” She said, “Until everybody loves each other, we won’t have war.” There was a lot of wisdom in what they did share with us that when I was in a bad place or searching, somehow that would always come back. That was a basic foundation that, with my experience, I can say are true.
What an amazing foundation that is and I can see how this foundation as you had kids would set up the next phase you could say or the next level of your personal healing. Let’s get into that generational healing because it sounds like your family is full of healers in themselves like powerful beings. I can only imagine that your children are probably very powerful beings in themselves. I always say that if you want to grow spiritually, have a child because it’s the perfect reflection of what you need to see. I’ll let you take it. What would you say is the thing that sticks out the most in this generational healing within your own family?
It started out with me moving away from home. When I had kids and we moved so much because of my husband’s work, I ended up being a stay-at-home mom because I was that foundation of routing everybody and rerouting everybody. The first thing that came to my mind when you asked me that question was it happens several times where we move into a house and one of my kids would be like, “We see a ghost in the room.” I had to learn how to clear spaces instead of telling them they were crazy. Where my husband looked at me like, “Where are we going with this?”
At the same time, it was like I knew my kids enough to know they were telling me the truth. They weren’t making this up. I literally had to learn how to clear spaces in houses and it would go away. They were so hypersensitive to energy. I ended up going to my first chiropractic doctor’s appointment, which I never did anything holistic after my third baby was born. I learned so much with how there are subluxations in your spine. What does that even mean? There were old memories, old stuff and old patterns and my whole world were opened up to this thing. I started noticing more and more things happening with my kids.
I could have a chiropractic adjustment, come home that day and get a call at the chiropractic office of one of my kids saying, “My back hurts on the lower back.” They could feel. The connections were so intense. When I first started my energy work, there was so much entanglement that I would feel great, but it would bounce off onto some other healing that needed to go on after with someone in my family. It was a little crazy describing it because most MDs are like, “You’re crazy.” I did go through a lot of that, but it was a lot of balance and trying different things. There’s so much out there. We moved to California for a long period of time in different areas. There was so much holistic stuff. I did NAT acupuncture, which is a lot about allergies, but it’s more about the emotions that cause allergies. Even knowing of when one of my kids got upset about something, it’s about taking it seriously. Emotions do alter our beams. It can turn into patterns.With the fragility of kids, it is so important to honor them and let them be who they are. Click To Tweet
It’s interesting that as I went through their healings, I started learning more and asking more stories off the wall of my parents. “Why did grandpa do that? Why do you feel that way about him?” It’s stuff like that. They would come up with these stories that I was like, “That makes sense why you took the track you did.” With my dad for a long time, I couldn’t understand him, “Why can’t you just be like all people?” I don’t understand why they’re different. I couldn’t see that people were different. To me, everyone was the same. I had a conversation with him when I got older and I literally asked him. I said, “What was the hardest thing in childhood that you did it and you went along with it, but you knew it was wrong?” I asked him that question. I didn’t know what he was going to answer.
He gave me this amazing story when he moved to Oklahoma. He was playing with a colored little boy, not thinking anything because he came from California to Oklahoma twice. He said that his cousin came and told them, “You can’t play together. This is not permitted here. You need to go away and never come back.” My father was upset about it. He overheard my grandmother talking to her brothers saying, “We didn’t raise our kids this way. Why can’t he play with this little boy?” My uncle was very prejudiced and said, “Because that’s the way it is. You either stay here or you leave.”
My grandmother went ahead and respected him, but my dad said, “I knew it was wrong.” It explained a little bit to me that it happened to him as a child at eight years old and how he became such a strong advocate for minorities and how important it was for him to make the world an equal place. To me, that healed me from hearing that story because I was like, “I understand now why you’re so strong in your position.” I understand, but before I didn’t understand why. It’s like, “What was wrong with me? What was wrong with him?” That’s all I could see at four years old. It’s interesting when you get into it a little bit more and you understand. It does create healing too.
Talking about generational, do any of your kids struggle with feeling the difference in minority or have a struggle of their heritage?
The first step is because I had dyslexia, that was my experience. When they started school, I didn’t want to teach them two languages at once. I only taught them English. What ended up happening is interesting. My son who’s an artist, when he got more into the art and made it a career, he got into the indigenous and bringing that back in a parallel way at the same time that he was going through this and digging up his deepest parts. I was also living in Mexico. On a parallel plane, I was also taking part of my heritage back also in a very deep way. It was a reflection almost of what he was doing with this art, even though I never told him, “This is what you need to do with your art.”
It came organically and naturally that those were his activism and it came back out. I did teach him our culture. They knew that well. I also exposed him to a lot of diverse cultures around California, Salt Lake City. We lived in many places, but they definitely experienced it. As they got older, I introduced Spanish to them. When you’re little and they’ve done studies about this, that when you learn two languages at the very beginning when you’re little, you’re definitely much more bilingual. It’s almost like your brain works in two different places.Honoring your parents is so hard when you have trauma from them. Click To Tweet
They did learn Spanish and they know some Spanish. Now, my son is like, “I wish you would’ve taught us when we were little.” It’s again, the whole parenthood, I’ve gone through this big forgiveness thing because you go, “I had messed up.” Parenting is like an overcorrection of your experiences. By accident, you’ll go all the way to the other side can make that right. The next generation will bring it back the other side. It goes back and forth until there’s some balance and it’s healed. That’s been my experience. I’m forgiving myself for overcorrecting because I know my dad overcorrected too.
We always do our best. What I love about you though, Carmen, is that you’re so dedicated to healing that generational line. I believe that as we heal ourselves, we are healing the DNA and the genetic imprints in all of our offspring, back and forward. Because there is no time in space, we’re recreating the DNA and what the show is all about is living at our highest potential and going into those all generational programs. Being able to upgrade them or heal them is creating not only our best life but the best life for our children and our extended family. Your dedication to that is amazing. I’d love maybe if you have a story where you were able to see the truth in upgrading the DNA of your family.
I had the best story and it blew my mind. My little three-year-old granddaughter is very in love with the moon. She says goodnight to the moon every night she can see it and find it. She always tells my daughter, “Look, Mama, I come from the stars.” When she goes outside of my backyard and it’s dark, she sees the stars and she always says, “I come from the stars.” We all took it like, “That’s cute.” My daughter asked her, “Why did you come from the stars? It’s so far away.”
She put her little hands on my daughter’s cheeks and she said, “To love you, mama, to love you.” I thought it is about love. I was like, “Wow.” I like to seek it, had to work for it, believe it and convince myself, it has to be hard to find it and she was so intact. She was saying it like it was a memory she had. It was amazing. It made me go, “All the things I’ve listened to and gone through, this little kid has it,” and experience happens, trauma happens, stuff happens and we start forgetting. We start shutting down. The fragility of kids is so important to honor them and let them be who they are and not read 20,000 books on how to raise them. Let them be.
What’s so interesting about that is she almost repeated the same message that your grandmother had. She was able to connect to the frequency of the highest part of the programming of our DNA. That’s so beautiful.
Honoring your parents is so hard when you have trauma from them. It’s so hard to see them as people like us and that they aren’t going to do everything perfectly. It hurts too and it’s hard to get over. At the same time, they’re also working with the tools they have. They are also forgetting who they are. They’re also doing human struggles in 3D. It takes a while to forgive parents, but it is nice when it happens. It’s worth it. My parents are older now. They’re like 87. They’re still struggling doing their things. We’re all going crazy going, “Why can’t they get it?” They’re still trying now and they’re still here for that reason so it’s interesting.
My daughter wrote her entry essay and the name of it was “We All Love Differently.” It was all about that we all love to the highest capacity of what we’re able, and that is going to be different for everyone. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. It just means that they’re loving you in the way that they know how from their life experiences and whatnot. I thought that was so interesting that you mentioned that because it does take some of the stories out of what our experience is. We’re all here to love and we all are going to love differently. I have this thing where every day I leave the house, I make the intention that I am going to meet everyone that comes into my circle from a place of love. I’ll meet that frequency. No matter what the experience is, we will connect in the frequency of love. It’s different for every situation and for every person because there are many different levels of what we’re capable of loving.
That proves what’s within is on the outside because when I was younger, inside, I felt separated. What I would do is when I met a group that had diverse cultures or there could be a group that I’d be standing in. This happened many times in my life where Mexican people were talking bad about white people or white people were talking bad. It didn’t matter which way, but I always would be in a conversation where I’ve felt split. As I healed and I got older and I lived in Mexico for three years, when I had finally met that thing of love and wholeness, that never happened to me anymore. I never would get myself into conversations of racism or having to defend myself or having to tell them they’re wrong.
I met people. There were people, it was great. We had a great time, but those weird conversations didn’t come up anymore because it wasn’t within me anymore. I wasn’t confused about it anymore. That was awesome. I have to thank my parents, even with all the trauma that I felt that I perceived, I could not have survived and lived in Mexico without knowing that language. There was a plan that I couldn’t see and that was my purpose, that was my path. I see it so clearly now. They set me up to be whole in both cultures and experience them both. I was almost born on the border. They had to cross over because they were at some fiesta or something and she went into labor. I was going to be born in Mexico. It’s too crazy. All my other brothers and sisters have totally different stories, but mine has the most Mexico in it, which is hilarious because that was my big thing of like, “What’s the deal?” It’s funny and my path took me down to very gently move me around and open my consciousness so that I could come to wholeness and totally accept both and enjoy both. The generational stuff blows my mind.
It’s such a powerful thing. It would be such a cool thing to end the interview. It’s like a little generational activation. Why don’t we connect to our hearts and call in to the first particle of existence? We’re going to bring the living light, the divine light straight into our DNA. As this happens, we’re upgrading all the frequencies, all the generational patterns and bringing them to love and above that, we are all safe in the frequency of love, and that we can meet others in the frequency of love. The frequency of love is healing the past, the future and the now as we all connect to the frequency of love. As our offspring, our husbands and grandparents and all our extended family is radiating in this of oneness within the frequency of love, as we are all healed from the frequency of love. Breathe that in. It’s beautiful. Your grandparents said it so perfectly that it’s all about love and it’s all about oneness. It’s very powerful. Thank you so much, Carmen, for telling your story. It’s inspiring to know firsthand how as we heal ourselves, we’re not only upgrading our own DNA, but we’re upgrading the DNA of all of those that we love. I appreciate you being here.Keep evolving and keep expanding, it's what we're here for. Click To Tweet
It’s healing perceptions. We’re also sensitive and we take things completely differently. Ten of us could be in the room hearing the exact same story and pick up totally different things from it. It’s amazing and we need to be gentler with ourselves as compassionate and keep trying. Keep evolving and keep expanding, it’s what we’re here to experience it all. You’re great. You’re amazing. Your products are amazing. Those products have helped me ground into my body and have a calming space to bring it all in. Probably the last of the last healing things I’ve done is your products and it’s brought the wholeness and anchored it. They’re amazing.
Thank you. We’re going to hold space for our soul family out there. I want to keep encouraging you all to keep striving to upgrade your personal potential as you upgrade what it is to be human. Until next time, we are sending you so much love.